It’s September now, and my goal—starting on August 3rd—was to refrain from drinking through Labor Day. That day has come and gone. Labor Day was Monday, and today is Wednesday. I’m back on the train to New York City, recharged and ready for work. The week will be busy with work and the kids heading back to school, so when would I even have time to drink?
That rationalization—I don’t have time to drink this week—is what’s keeping me going. What a beautiful thing the workweek is! This is where I am in the process. Not having to worry about the social anxiety around drinking feels like such a relief. And the joy of not feeling my wife’s eyes on me while I pour a non-alcoholic beer? That’s sublime.
In the safety of a workweek, I feel comfortable. I’m steadfast in my intent to stay sober just a little longer.
As I write this, I still don’t have a long-term strategy or goal for staying sober—or even know if I should have one.
What I do know is the joy of the last thirty days has been euphoric and clear. I’m not ready to let the sun set on the daylight warmth that sobriety has given me.
You know that feeling of warm sun on your face on a perfect day at the beach? Or the exhilarating rush of cool ocean water as you dive under a breaking wave?
That’s what sobriety feels like to me, and I’m not ready to let it go.
But August is over, and there’s already a crispness in the air this morning. Will I be able to trade my summer waves for fall nights by the outdoor fireplace? Can I replace the euphoria and warmth of sober August days with clear-eyed football Sundays with my sons?
I don’t know. But I wish someone would tell me it’s okay to keep going, that my sober experiment is worth extending for a bit longer. I could use more encouragement, more nods of approval. Not because I’m weak, but because sometimes we all need to know we’re on the right track.
Soon the leaves will turn, but not before we catch a few more glimpses of summer. Let’s allow these sunny days of September to guide us into the shorter days of October and beyond.
My 30-day sobriety challenge may have passed, but I can still feel that warmth on my face. That’s my ticket to keep going. Why not? I used to make all kinds of rationalizations to drink, so why not make them now to not drink?
That cool ocean wave isn’t so far away—it’s in my memory. It’s up to me to find its replacement this September. Cheers to August and what an experience it was, but here’s to the next thirty days—what exhilaration will they bring?
I’m excited to find out.
—Paul
Leave a Reply